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What Is Sidebarring?

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In the most recent years, there has been a new dating trend called sidebarring. You might be guilty of doing this too in your relationship. Whether you sidebar using social media or your cell phone, it is still rude to be involved in some other conversation when you are in the company of your other half or even a friend or associate. You spend most of your time looking at your computer screen or your cell phone screen instead of focusing on the person in front of you and this is considered quite disrespectful. You would think that you should know better, but most people get too caught up with it, they become indifferent to it.

How Partners Feel About Each Other

Sidebarring is something that partners or friends engage in. So it can affect both a romantic or platonic relationship. It is related to the brief attention span that people have towards their relationships. In other words, they do not giving a hoot about the other partner in the relationship. Sidebarring someone means that you actually move the person to the side and instead, you are distracted enough to pay attention to something else. You may engage in another conversation through text messages sent back and forth on your phone to another person while you are in the company of a significant other.

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The Birthday Dinner Gone Wrong

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Let's say you went to the birthday dinner that a friend invited you to, but she is not happy since the restaurant doesn't have her favorite dish. You cannot tell her to just chill out and eat something else because it is your friend's birthday and you don't want to put a damper on things. Instead, you pick up your cell phone and start texting to another friend sitting across the table and listening to your birthday girl gripe about the food. You send the other friend an emoji eye roll. She reads your text, looks up at you and smile because she is feeling the same way and so she gives you a nod in total agreement with you. That kind of interaction you would call sidebarring.

The Similarity Between Sidebarring and Phubbing

Sidebarring is in a sense, almost the same as phubbing, which is kind of like ruining a relationship through snubbing someone on the phone. However, sidebarring is specifically having a secretive conversation with someone through text messaging while you are actually engaged in something else. This something else could be out having dinner with someone, watching television or while attending an important meeting.

The Sidebarrer Explained

If you are a sidebarrer or exhibit those kinds of tendencies, you might reach for your cell phone because of feeing bored while at a social gathering. Or you might feel irritated or angry at someone while you are out on a date or at an event. You are unable to let the person know your feelings and so you begin to text a best friend who might be at the same event or gathering. It is also possible that at the same gathering, you may not like the food and then you decide to find out if your girlfriend feels the same. So, you and your bestie are slamming the people at the gathering by texting back and forth about the whole thing. And because all of this is done in a silent manner over text messaging, it is like a stab in the back. Both you and your friend are acting like snakes and are guilty of the new dating trend, sidebarring.

An Example of Sidebarring

Another example of this is when you are out having a nice dinner or drink with someone and as soon as you settle into a cozy conversation with the person, they take out their cell phone and start chatting with someone via text messaging. It makes you feel unimportant and cringe with feelings of neglect. You try to smile it off, but at the same time, you are pissed about the whole thing. You cannot believe that this person would act so rude in front of you while out in public, but that is what sidebarring will do to friendships and romantic dates.

Who Are The Real Culprits?

Sidebarring is indicative of a mean spirited and gossipy attitude with no regard for the people around. It is a selfish action, but the worse thing is that most of us are culprits of doing this. According to Facebook's study, almost 71 percent of individuals have admittedly done sidebarring. That is a startling figure, which means that most of us are at fault. The same study indicates that 79 percent of teenagers and 82 percent of the millennials participate in this activity compared to older individuals. For millennials and teenagers, it is said that these side bar conversations were able to strengthen many friendships online. However, the same Facebook study indicates that 62 percent of the people who responded say that this kind of behavior will let them feel so close to the people that they are sidebarring with. It is similar to when your Uncle Thomas starts talking about politics at the Thanksgiving dinner table or a cousin sitting across the table sends an emoji eye roll text to you about your annoying uncle. This makes both of you feel closer because you are sharing the same feelings and only both of you know about it.

Keep It at a Minimum

While you are sidebarring, it does bring you closer to the individual that you are having the conversation with and no one else knows, but you and that individual. But, you should try keeping it at a minimum, though, so that it is not that obvious. Of course, no one loves to be the topic of conversation and that is the reason why you shouldn't let the other person be aware of it.

Glued To The Cell Phone

Many people these days are so glued to their cell phones. Sometimes, it is because they might be expecting to receive an important text message, but more often or not, it is to watch the reactions that people have made on group chat to a certain meme or some social media posts and comments made. This is the way that many people feel connected to other people that they don't see that often. However, this is not usually a good thing because we sometimes prioritize our digital connections over the things taking place in our real lives. In fact, you may be the kind of person always using your phone to send text messages to someone else while you are out with a friend or companion or you are on a date or at a certain event. This is a shame that you have to be so disrespectful and the only word for it is 'sidebarring.'

Lost in Text Conversation

Let's say you are on this special date that is really going well. You are having engaging conversation and suddenly you take a quick glance at your cell phone as you hear the sound of a text message coming through. You now forget about the other person and start to answer the text and get lost in the text conversation exchange. You keep texting back and forth while the other person is present and it can sometimes get awkward if you are not respectful enough to put the phone away. Much similar to cushioning, love bombing and submarining, this sidebarring dating trend is one of the most terribly rude ways to interact. It just needs to stop and you can lose friendships and dates over it. But, this is something that most of us will oftentimes do and sometimes not realizing its negative impact on our relationships because then, it becomes a habit.

Don't Bring Your Phone

If you are helplessly distracted by or absorbed in your phone, it would be better to leave it in the car, in your purse or somewhere that it won't be easy to reach. This will help you to avoid any confrontations or arguments that this might cause when you are trying to have a conversation or on a date with someone. When you sidebar, it looks like you are ignoring the person that you are with. It is a toxic behavior or habit that happens in all of our daily lives. Half the time, we are unaware that this is what we are doing because it has become such a part of our lives. Maybe, you are the kind of person who believes that you are good at multitasking or juggling more than one thing at a time. But, there is a time and place for everything. Not everything that feels good is right and sidebarring is just one of those things that is not.

The Emphasis on Visual Tasks

In fact, a study was done by the Journal of Neuroscience in 2015 and it featured the results of what happens when you place all your emphasis on visual tasks such as typing or texting on a computer or phone. It can actually make you lose your hearing to basic volume sounds that are around you. This means that you become unaware of your surroundings because you are so engrossed in the task at hand. And that is why when someone is looking into their phone all the time you are with them, they become 'unintentionally deaf' and this explains the reason why the person might look up from their phone and wonder what you said. They are oblivious to their surroundings and they will tend to block out any chatter around them as their mental focus is on the cell phone. Specific areas of the brain have the ability to only concentrate on one task each time, even if you are a multi-tasker.

Relationships are Suffering

Of course, Facebook made an attempt to spin sidebarring as a positive thing among teenagers and millennials, but it won't cut it. Since the inception of smartphones, relationships have suffered and friendships have been dissolved. If you have been a victim to someone indiscreetly texting while in your presence, it is quite an annoying behavior and puts a damper on the occasion. If you have been sidebarred, then it is time to make your voice loud enough for the person to acknowledge your presence. So speak loudly, if you want to get their attention back to you. That way, they might be startled, but at least, it will bring them back to reality and the obvious. Yes, loud noises can crack the barrier that is caused by sidebarring. It brings the person back to earth, so to speak and it makes the sidebarrer know that you are not going to be ignored. So you will make yourself clear.

Ditch the Sidebarrer

You could also make the decision to spend time with an individual who will not indulge in sidebarring, but give you the attention that you deserve. It is going to be your decision. That means you wouldn't waste time going out with someone who you know is a sidebarrer. They have done it to you more than once and so are you going to allow this person to do this to you over and over again or you are just going to nip it in the bud once and for all or just don't go out with the person again?

The Casual Sidebar

Sidebarrers will ignore everything that is going on around them. And they do this casually as if it is nothing and they think that you should be OK with it, if you are the recipient of sidebarring. They think that having a secret text conversation is nothing to be alarmed about. Everyone is doing it. Well, that is what they think. Not everyone is doing it since it is a rude way to act in public. For example, if you are in an important office meeting where the topics of discussion are essential to a certain project and you are there texting another employee who is present in the meeting, it looks unprofessional. Moreover, how will you know the specifics discussed in the meeting so that you can be part of the team project? Why not wait until you and your coworker step outside of the meeting? In addition, the person who is speaking at the meeting is going to feel slighted, ignored and disrespected.

Final Thoughts

If the sidebarrer only had this happen to them, then they would know how rude it is. It goes without saying that this dating trend is an addiction and social media, technology and cell phones are not making it any easier. It is going to come down to a personal decision to do better. If someone continues to display such behavior, it will show that they don't really care.

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What Is Sidebarring? - AdultHookups

Learn everything you need to know about sidebarring and get the details of how exactly it affects your dating life. You will be surprised of the answer.

What Is Sidebarring? - AdultHookups